So anyone who followed my Eurovision predictions will now know that I’ve lost £15 quid through foolishly optimistic betting on Eurovision outsiders France and Romania. Sorry Ukrainians I should have had more faith, especially now I know you’ve got a 7 foot 10 giant in your arsenal. On the plus side my Eurovision ratings post attracted a string of new countries to visit the blog for the first time, including Finland (anti-feminist bridal rant) and Romania (castrato vampire gives birth to golden child). Sadly, after clicking on the entry sites which led C4Lf’s potential international recruits here, I now suspect that the majority of these readers may well be pornbots – relentlessly spamming the blog in the hope of discerning my bank details.
Anyway, my new found readership of loyal pornbots the April pub ratings are dedicated to you and your spyware infecting ways.
April Best overall pub and best décor – The Rose and Crown, Oxford
Last year’s C4Lf pub of the year (in the period before I rated every single pub I’d go in, and only rated things occasionally, what was I doing with my life?) and once again it scores highly, comfortably winning the April pub category, taking best décor, as well as winning joint best booze with the Turf Tavern.
Nestled away down a side street off the Banbury Road, the Rose and Crown provides a welcome retreat from the greasy hubbub of tourists and students that throng around Oxford city centre, without having to trek out as far as the Isis. There’s a series of small compartmentalised rooms and an open semi-covered patio area round the back. You can get some pickled eggs and a pint of sausages. We had a pint of Old Hooky and a pint of Gummidge, which were both excellent.
In his review of the pubs of Oxford, Oxford pub ratings don Alistair Oxfordpubs.com had marked it down due to the price of the ale topping £3.50. His last review was in early 2012 however, and I feel much of Oxford has now caught up with the Rose and Crown in terms of pricing. Plus there’s no explicit value for money category in the C4Lf rating system (much to Hockenhull’s chagrin).
Atmosphere – The King and Queen in Fitzrovia is a fairly unremarkable pub with a selection of monarch’s paintings on the wall and happily retains its carpeted floors. However, the reason that it won the best atmosphere for April was that it played host to the London preview of Total Hero Team (http://mjhibbett.co.uk/totalheroteam/) by M.J. Hibbett and Steve, who I know from their Moonhorse days up In Edinburgh.
Beforehand, Hibbett did some warm-up songs including the excellent Kitson-approved Fight for History. It’s an awesome show that explores our relationship with didge through the medium of superhero adventures and George Formbyesque Uke numbers. I thoroughly recommend you check it out at either the Camden or Edinburgh Fringe.
Booze – Joint winners: The Turf, Oxford and the Rose and Crown, Oxford
After four months of pubs rating, Tone and I are beginning to exhaust our regular Oxford haunts and in the quest for new ratings we, or rather I (Tone would be quite happy to sit in the Far from the Madding Crowd all day if she had her way) are driven to go to some of Oxford’s classic mainstream pubs, that we normally don’t go to because they’re usually too packed (the Whitehorse) or they’ve been thoroughly Taylor-Walkerised (the Eagle and Child). And so it was that we go to the Turf. The Turf in many ways is the quintessential Oxford pub. You enter via a narrow alley, there’s a low ceiling and ample outside courtyard seating and also the legend of former Australian Prime minister Bob Hawke breaking the yard of ale record here in 11 seconds in the 1950s. There’s also beer and lots of it, about eight different ales, plus blue moon for Tone and old rosy cider. All sounds good yes? However, when I’ve tried these ales, they’re often a bit watery and all the same, there’s also very little over 5%. I have a Green King IPA reserve. It’s okay but it’s still Green King. Plus, the pub is full of foreign students forming elaborate queuing systems at the bar. It could be really nice but it feels over-exposed.
Clientele – The Fab Café, Leeds Before the April pub ratings began I was fairly certain that Leeds’ pubs would dominate the ratings system, given the Ottley run I was scheduled to attend for Walka’s stag do. However, the only Leeds pub that features if the Fab café, which isn’t even on the Ottley run. This led me to the realisation that the majority of pubs on the Ottley run are either mediocre and non-descript, or unpleasantly rammed with becostumed aftershock snorting students. The exceptions being the old men pub at the start (which we didn’t do) and the Packhorse and the Kenton at the end, which you’re too drunk to appreciate.
Anyway Fab café wins best clientele for being full of the kind of people who are still dancing to the Cribs ‘Hey scenesters’, despite it not being 2005 anymore. Leeds may have changed but the Fab café soundtrack says resolutely the same. There’s also the pot noodle-eating nerds playing Buffy Top Trumps and wondering ‘what’s this Weaver card that’s been added to the deck?’
COB – The Empress, Cambridge
This scored highly partly because of the pigs in the beer garden, which I tenuously classified as bar staff, and for the intimidating antii-drug notices written by the ex-policeman Landlord, which warn any would be drug users that if caught on his premises ‘He and his staff will know how to deal with you!’ Sexy.
#
|
Pub
|
Description
|
D
|
A
|
B
|
C
|
COB
|
M
|
1
|
The Rose and Crown, Oxford
|
Last years pub of the year, sit outside by the hanging baskets and watch the world go by.
|
5.0
|
4.8
|
4.3
|
3.6
|
4.0
|
4.3
|
2
|
The Whitehorse, Oxford
|
Tiny Inspector Morse pub, great if you can get a seat and the TT is on
|
4.8
|
3.9
|
3.8
|
3.8
|
3.8
|
4.0
|
3
|
Fab Café, Leeds
|
Captain kirk décor, pot noodles on tap, a bit like lazar quest
|
4.5
|
4.5
|
2.5
|
4.3
|
4.0
|
4.0
|
4
|
9. The Kenton, Leeds
|
Classic Leeds gig pub, all by myself
|
3.9
|
4.0
|
3.9
|
4.0
|
4.0
|
4.0
|
5
|
The King and Queen, Fitzrovia, London
|
Unremarkable Fitzrovia boozer, home to the Total Hero Team
|
3.8
|
5.0
|
3.3
|
3.8
|
3.8
|
3.9
|
6
|
The Empress, Cambridge
|
The pig pub with dashing copper landlord, cider with bits in
|
4.1
|
3.6
|
3.5
|
3.8
|
4.5
|
3.9
|
7
|
The Prince George, Hackney, London
|
The third in the Wilton Road triangle. Probably best one for real ale and slightly secluded.
|
3.8
|
3.7
|
3.8
|
3.9
|
4.0
|
3.8
|
8
|
The Prince of Wales, Ifley, Oxford
|
Pleaseant community pub Iffley with high prices
|
3.8
|
4.3
|
3.7
|
3.4
|
3.8
|
3.8
|
9
|
Sports bar, Leeds
|
Wrestlemania weekend party hang out
|
2.0
|
4.3
|
3.2
|
4.0
|
5.0
|
3.7
|
10
|
The Three Compasses, Hackney, London
|
Hackney gig bar full of rendys and sweat soaked t-shirts
|
3.9
|
4.2
|
2.8
|
3.8
|
3.8
|
3.7
|
11
|
The Intrepid Fox, Centrepoint, London
|
Goth brutalism beneath centrepoint
|
4.8
|
4
|
2.8
|
3
|
3.5
|
3.6
|
12
|
The Angel, Tottenham Court Road, London
|
Sam Smith's hangman's stop off point
|
4.0
|
3.5
|
2.8
|
4.0
|
3.8
|
3.6
|
13
|
The Wheatsheaf, Oxford
|
Fun rock pub with varied clientelle and red lighting
|
4.0
|
3.8
|
3.5
|
3.0
|
3.5
|
3.6
|
14
|
The Turf, Oxford
|
Great beer selection and décor, but weird tense bar queuing section. Overexposed. Also students.
|
4.0
|
4.0
|
4.3
|
2.4
|
3.0
|
3.5
|
15
|
The White Rabbit , Oxford
|
Unexciting pizza pub that's been Greiged
|
2.6
|
3.6
|
3.5
|
3.5
|
4.0
|
3.5
|
16
|
8. The Packhorse, Leeds
|
Fran panics as Ottley Run disintegrates
|
2.3
|
3.3
|
3.5
|
3.5
|
3.6
|
3.2
|
17
|
The Shacklewell, Hackney, London
|
Forner darts pub now pumping Petchey's playlist.
|
3.5
|
3.4
|
3.1
|
3.6
|
2.0
|
3.1
|
18
|
2. The Oak, Leeds
|
Oor Wullie Warmer in Wild West
|
2.7
|
4.0
|
2.6
|
3.3
|
2.8
|
3.1
|
19
|
4. The Taps, Leeds
|
Fifty something sex show
|
2.8
|
3.5
|
2.8
|
2.2
|
4.0
|
3.1
|
20
|
Lords Tavern, Marleybone, London
|
Functional and underwhelming replacement
|
2.0
|
3.0
|
3.0
|
4.5
|
2.5
|
3.0
|
21
|
6. Hyde Park, Leeds
|
Feeder and real ales underwhelms
|
2.1
|
3.4
|
3.3
|
2.2
|
3.5
|
2.9
|
22
|
10 The Drydock, Leeds
|
Take the boat to Wrestlemania's past
|
4.0
|
4.0
|
2.0
|
2.0
|
2.0
|
2.8
|
23
|
Milos, Leeds
|
Gotta go your own way
|
3.5
|
4.0
|
2.5
|
2.0
|
2.0
|
2.8
|
24
|
The Eagle and Child, Oxford
|
Taylor-Walkered Inkling Hangout
|
3.5
|
2.0
|
3.6
|
1.5
|
3.0
|
2.7
|
25
|
1. The Box, Leeds
|
Start of the Ottley run, slow service
|
2.1
|
2.8
|
3.3
|
3.3
|
1.5
|
2.6
|
26
|
The Stanhope, Gloucester Road, London
|
Posh kids brawling with the barstaff, Orchard pig becoming slightly ubiquitous
|
3.0
|
2.8
|
3.5
|
1.5
|
2.0
|
2.6
|
27
|
7. The Library, Leeds
|
Air hockey tournament
|
2.7
|
2.9
|
1.8
|
2.2
|
2.8
|
2.5
|
28
|
Travel lodge Hotel bar, Leeds
|
Adequate for our needs
|
1.5
|
1.5
|
2.8
|
2.5
|
4.0
|
2.5
|
29
|
5. The Arc, Leeds
|
Premiership pizza memories
|
2.3
|
2.3
|
2.0
|
3.2
|
2.3
|
2.4
|
30
|
11. Leeds bowling alley bar, Leeds
|
Slow service, chubby clientele
|
1.2
|
2.5
|
3.5
|
3.5
|
0.0
|
2.1
|
31
|
The Holiday Inn bar, Gloucester Road, London
|
Grubby beefeater simulacra with blaring music
|
2.0
|
1.5
|
2.0
|
2.0
|
2.5
|
2.0
|
32
|
Vodka Rev, Leeds
|
Urrgh vodka rev
|
1.3
|
2.0
|
1.7
|
1.7
|
2.0
|
1.7
|
33
|
3. The Skyrack, Leeds
|
Despised by all
|
0.9
|
1.6
|
2.5
|
0.8
|
-1.5
|
0.9
|
