Every year I bet on the Eurovision with varying degrees of success. This year I'm spreading my fifteen quid across three acts to finish in the top three. They are Norway (6/1), Romania (100/1) and France (200/1). Given that Chester manager Neil Young was 200/1 to get the Man United job recently, those seem like pretty good odds. Feel free to score along with me, or way up the odds using this handy matrix I've constructed.
Country
|
Artist
|
Odz
|
Description
|
Fran
|
5 years
|
Score
|
1 France
|
Amandine Bourgeois - L'Enfer Et Moi (France)
|
200
|
Really good, French Bond song by boozy mic chucking French Fem fatale but everyone hates France and very early on in the draw.
|
9
|
22, 15, 12, 8,18
| |
2 Lithuania
|
Andrius Pojavis - Something (Lithuania
|
200
|
It’s been on my mind far too long, wavy hands, cheesey, sounds a bit weak
|
6
|
14, 19, x, 23, x
| |
3 Moldovia
|
MOLDOVA Aliona Moon - O Mie
|
150
|
Young lady in a red dress, white male dancers. Native language in Romanian. Also does the big rising dress and some warbling. Fire turning to ice.
|
7.5
|
11, 12, 22, 14, x
| |
4 Finland
|
Finland Krista Siegfrids - Marry Me
|
40
|
Drinking coffee with your mother. Fuck you, fuck you. I’m your slave and your master. Anti-feminist song. Ding Dong. Perfect wedding. Subversive lesbian kiss.
|
9
|
X,21, X, 25, 22
| |
5 Spain
|
ESDM - Contigo Hasta El Final (With You Until The End) (Spain)
|
200
|
Weird celtic start to it. Female singer with guitar led. Mild. Gentle.
|
7
|
10, 23, 15, 23, 16
| |
6 Belgium
|
Belgium: Roberto Bellarosa - Love Kills
|
150
|
Nice young man in a suit, the arrow went straight through her heart, love kills over and over. Boring pop song, with little black dress dancers. Bit euphoric
|
6
|
X,X,6,XX
| |
7 Estonia
|
Birgit - Et Uus Saaks Alguse
|
200
|
Piano ballad, girl in a white dress. Nice song, takes a stroll. Belts it out. Bust out the big note
|
8
|
6,24,X,6,X
| |
8 Belarus
|
Alyona Lanskaya - Solayoh
|
175
|
Eastern feel dancy pop song. The rhythm of our cha cha. A bit shameless
|
7.5
|
X,X,24,X,X
| |
9 Malta
|
Gianluca Bezzina - Tomorrow (Malta)
|
100
|
Whimsical uke song about IT and risk assessment. Not your typical Eurovision song. He likes his rigorous routine. Like an ugly Luch.
|
8.5
|
21, X,X,22, X
| |
10 Russia
|
Dina Garipova - What if
|
16
|
What if we all opened our arms, what if we came together as one. Optimistic. Earnest just singing
|
7.5
|
2,16,11,11,1
| |
11 Germany
|
33
|
Cynical Euphoria plagiarism dance number, a mishmash of cliches. Bit weak
|
7
|
8,10,1,20,23
| ||
12 Armenian
|
Dorians - Lonely Planet
|
200
|
Denim clad Prince of Persia late 80s soft rockers. Podgy keyboardist.
|
8
|
X, 7, 10, 4, 8
| |
13 The Netherlands
|
Anouk - Birds
|
25
|
Sad song about birds, just a singer. Birds falling down from the roof. That’s why.
|
7.5
|
X,X,X,X,X
| |
14 Romania
|
Cezar - It's My Life
|
100
|
Castrato vampire with flayed corpses and birth of golden child. It’s my liiiiiiffffe. Rise.
|
10
|
12, 16, 3, 19, 20
| |
15 United Kingdom
|
Believe in me – Bonnie Tyler
|
66
|
Aged maudlin Welsh Bonnie looks back on better days. Charlotte Church has let herself go. Bit dreary.
|
8
|
25, 11, 25, 5, 25
| |
16 Sweden
|
Robin Stjernberg - You
|
80
|
Bequiffed fem lesbian, isn’t it crazy eeeee. Yoouuuu. Has that euphoric edge. This is worryingly catchy. Matt’s tip. Hits those high notes
|
9
|
1, 3, X, 21, 18
| |
17 Hungary
|
Hungary: ByeAlex - Kedvesem
|
175
|
Beanie-hatted guy, another with a guitar. A clap along crowd pleaser. Indie, downbeat
|
9
|
24,22, X, X 9
| |
18 Denmark
|
Emmelie de Forest - ''Only Teardrops''
|
4/7
|
The favourite. Torn dress. How many times do we have to fight. It’s got that nice whistle. A bit Evanescance, but she doesn’t really go far enough. A lot of drumming.
|
8.5
|
23, 5, 4, 13, 15
| |
19 Iceland
|
Eytour Inga Gyunnlyoygsson - "Eg A Lif"
|
40
|
Marvel’s Thor sings that the egg is the life. Eg A Lif, Eg A Lif. Nordic whimsey.
|
8.5
|
20, 20, 19, 2, 14
| |
20 Azerbeijan
|
Farid Mammadov - Hold Me
|
12
|
It’s that sexy guy singing on top of a box. Good gimmick. It’s complicated.
|
8
|
4, 1, 5, 3, 8
| |
21 Greece
|
Greece- alcohol is free
|
25
|
Good natured song about a last ditch attempt to save the Greece economy. Trad, lively. Old man.
|
9
|
17, 7, 8, 7, 3
| |
22 Ukraine
|
Gravity / UKRAINE
|
9
|
Another mystical withering one. Big fat antler guy. Forest glade. Nothing comes from love.
|
8
|
15,4, 10, 12, 2
| |
23 Italy
|
Marco Mengoni - L'Essenziale
|
25
|
Seems like a nice guy. Sort of sad song, a bit of thickness to it. Good hair. Nice singer in Italian.
|
8
|
9, 2, NA, Na, Na
| |
24 Norway
|
Margaret Berger - I Feed You My Love
|
6
|
Blasting you with synth drone. I feed you my love. Pulsating. My favourite. Now I can see the whole. Evil Bond element. Does some good head bobbles. Sinister.
|
12
|
26, X, 20, 1, 5
| |
25 Georgia
|
Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani - Waterfall
|
33
|
That boring couple, there’s no me without you. Still a rare duet.
|
7
|
X, 9, 9, 11, 12
| |
26 Ireland
|
Ryan Dolan - Only Love Survives
|
40
|
Sexy celtic drum guys, dancy pop drum - love
|
7.5
|
19, 8, 23, X, X
|
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